You Call Too D@mn Much!

So every once in a while, it becomes even more painfully obvious that there’s certain instances where you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t when it comes with dealing w/ the opposite sex.

You call me too much. You call me all the damn time and we don’t talk about anything. Nothing. Nothing important or even relatively interesting happened in your life or mine between now and the last time we talked which, in all likelihood, was prolly like 5 hours ago. I’ve tried to just not pick the phone up hoping that you’d get the hint and just try calling back later…like tomorrow. But no, you call right back. No answer. Third times a charm. No, it’s not. It’s not a charm. Four times the phone rings and I pick up to see if it’s some matter of life or death…but it’s not. It’s just you on the other line, alive and well with no new or even interesting old subject matter to discuss. I find myself sometimes almost disappointed that your car hasn’t careened off the side of the road and burst into flames or that you aren’t somehow stuck in a airtight container and are running out of oxygen. No, you’re in pristine health and you have absolutely nothing to say. I make attempts to drive the conversation towards something of mutual interest, but that’s pointless. All I get from my questions of “How’s _______ doing over there?” or “What’s one thing you could change about Cali?” are dull and boring one-word answers of “Fine” and “I dunno”.

I’d rather staple my nuts to a burning building than continue this phone conversation any longer than it has to. And right as I begin talking about something I’m actually interested or excited about, you interrupt me mid-sentence w/ “Hey, I gotta go. Talk to you later.” Click.

This is what I want to tell you but can’t. I can’t because as soon as I tell you that “You call too much”, I know that instead of hearing what I said and just calling slightly less frequent or even just calling when you have something to say, instead you will interpret this as “I hate you. You are undesirable and I want you to never call me again.” Maybe not that exactly, but that’s how it comes off. The truth of the matter is that I actually enjoy hearing your voice and like spending time with you, but what I don’t enjoy is pointless communication because….that is by definition not communication. I’m not even a phone person, so if I’m going to be on the phone, there needs to be some kind of point of the conversation. If it’s gonna be one of those “We talked all night about nothing” kind of conversations, then there needs to be several points or at least some topics of mutual interest. Most people have about 2 major milestones in their day and one of those is work/school. Twenty-four hours is a very short period of time and with a few exceptions out of the year, very little happens in one day. So I don’t need to talk to you everyday, especially if you aren’t my girlfriend or “special friend”.

I’ve thought of about a million ways to tell you this, but each one as useless as the next. I almost wish you were a crazy-ass so I could just never speak to you again, but that’s not the case. For whatever reason, I’d rather put up with this nonsense than have you stop calling me, which you will (because you’re programmed to react like that). Apparently I have an unhealthy addiction to you, and if that means enduring an infinite barrage of meaningless and mind-numbing conversations, then I guess that’s the price I have to pay to feed my obsession. Damn.

Dear Ex-Girlfriend: You Can Do Better

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

::sigh::

You can do better.  I was trying to think of a more gentle way to say it but I don’t have to, I’m not your man.  Granted, enough time has passed that I am in no way upset that you are seeing someone new (nor is it my place to be so).  Honestly, I’m just happy that you aren’t dwelling on the past.  It’s not good for you.  But then again, neither is your new dude. Read more

I Never Call Back…Like EVER

A few days ago, a friend of mine pointed out a bad habit I have. I never call girls back once they give me their number. Apparently, she and some of my other female friends consider this kind of behaviour enough to merit me the title “Worst person in the world”. I am fully aware that this pisses some people off, yet I keep doing it (unintentionally). Why would you work so hard to charm a lady, and then act as if you were uninterested after you’ve obtained her contact information?

The truth of the matter is that I personally want to continue to get to know these said individuals but for several reasons, I continue to put off calling them until, of course, too much time passes and I’m like “forget it”. I spoke to one of my male friends and he too had the same bad habit of not calling girls back. I conducted a mini-survey and apparently this is a problem that about 1 out of every 3 guys is guilty of at some point  (some more habitual than others). In my research, many of the guys could not pinpoint the exact reason why they don’t call back someone who they’re actually interested in, but here are the most common rationalizations:

• “I keep remembering to call too late” - This, I admit, is my main problem. My schedule with time usually peaks activity in the wee hours of the night, a time in which most sane individuals are asleep. By the time I “remember” to give pretty lady a phone call, she’s probably already in bed or getting ready to go. “I’ll call her tomorrow” is what I usually say. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Fail.
• “I don’t wanna like lead her on or something” - Cuz I’m not tryina be nobody’s boyfriend. This is a funny excuse. A lot of times guys think that the world revolves around them and that just because a girl seems interested in you, that means she wants to marry you. On the opposite side of my research, many of the girls I talked to said that sometimes when she gives her number to a guy, sometimes it just means that they think that guy is interesting, funny, or just cool. It doesn’t always mean that she wants to pursue a physical or emotional relationship. When we sometimes jump the gun, I think in a way we kinda trivialize the mental of the female gender, and that’s not exactly playing nice.
• “If I don’t try, I won’t get rejected” - The excuse guys are usually reluctant to admit. Among the men interviewed, a significant amount of them stated that they somehow felt that being able to charm the girl at the initial meeting was lucky or that they set such a high standard for themselves. When it’s time to call her back, he gets scared that he may not be able to live up to what she expects (or what he thinks she expects) either because he’s too much of a punkass, or because she intimidates him, or both.
• “I’m not a phone person, but I’ll text her to oblivion” - This is me too (kinda). I don’t like selling myself over the phone. And this is not just with dating, this is with everything. I can charm the hell outta an interviewer in person, but my phone presence during phone interviews is extra whack. I’m apparently not alone. Many guys don’t like talking on the phone. As men, when we call each other, it’s very procedural and with a clear and finite purpose. Ex) “Hey! What time are we gonna meet up?” “I dunno? Eight?”, “Ok, I’ll call when I’m downstairs”, “Make sure you come the back way”, “Aight”, “Yeh” End of Call. Calling someone we don’t really know to talk about nothing doesn’t seem to make sense when that person hasn’t given us much reason yet to talk to them. But texting! Procedural and straight to the point with a clear and finite purpose. Guys’ phone conversations with each other align perfectly with a typical text message convo. The downside is, when a guy usually only asks a girl straight forward questions about “where are you?” “do you wanna hang out/come over?”, this can be easily misinterpreted. More than half the females interviewed said that when a guy is only texting about meeting and not asking how there day is or questions like that, that can be seen as him just wanting to get laid when this very well may not be the case.

Let me make this 100% clear. All these excuses are bullshit and there probably is no good reason as to why a good third of us guys do this, only 1/2 ass rationalizations for irrational actions. What’s even worse is when we are talking to females and everything’s going good and then suddenly just….stop. But tha’s probably a whole new topic and question for another time. What is it about the male psyche that makes us act this way?

Males are supposedly the more logic-oriented sex, whereas women are more intuition-oriented in there decision making processes. After all the interviews, I’m still perplexed as to why we do this. Why do we sometimes not call her if we are actually interested? Is there an actual reason that we’ve missed?

Gotta figure this one out, until then…guess I’m still the worst person on the planet.

Speak….

My Problem w/ Interracial Dating

I have a problem w/ interracial dating, but it’s not for the reasons you think. I’m gonna just jump right into this so buckle up sistas. I’m a 26 yr old black man with two degrees and a well-paying job. No, I’m not bragging, but this will become relevant later. I’m not against interracial relationships, I just have problems with what seems to be a growing percentage of them….and it’s you boo.

Yes, black woman, it’s you. I know that statistically I’m an anomaly. But more and more of my twenty-something year old female friends are growing tired of there “Not being enough good men” around. In their growing frustration, and in their ever-growing wisdom, they come up with the grandaddy of all resolutions, “I’m gonna date outside my race!“. I personally don’t see the problem w/ expanding your horizons and opening up your options, but far too often what this really means is “I’m gonna find a white guy, cuz brotha’s is f$%kin’ up!”. Why are these women acting like they’re 35? Seriously?

My friend, let’s call her “Karen”, is a prime example. After talking to Karen and asking her why she sees that as a solution, she informs me that

“All my previous relationships have turned out horrible, and statistically, black men lead white men in domestic abuse by [insert high number]%. White men just care and treat us sistas better. If black men can’t treat me right and commit, then I’m going to jump ship. Black men mess w/ white girls all the time, why shouldn’t I?”

Now the reason this pisses me off is that what this does is that it subconsciously puts the white man above a black man, and in their mind, “better”. Better for them, better in bed, better for marriage, just better. More importantly, it means that when they pass by me and a white man, they will chose him because he is “statistically better” than myself. What the hell did I do? I don’t care what the numbers say or the statistics. I’m me. But not to make it all about me, this is also dangerous for the woman.

This is because she’s setting herself up for failure, disguised as success. No doubt that dating a white man will be a very different experience, but in that experience, the woman already comes into the relationship with a predisposition to label this new relationship that is different, as better. This is amplified if the couple has a good run. All of a sudden, her hunch is verified and she’s off running spreading the word to all her girlfriends that she’s found the Dead Sea Scrolls. In actuality, he’s just indulging in a chocolate fantasy. Okay, lemme not be bitter. Whether he likes her for her or for her sweet chocolate lovin’, what she’s done is possibly overlooked the very flaws that have gotten her rejected from black men in the first place.

Back to Karen. Karen started dating a white man about a week after she made her declaration and they were together for a while. She swears that it’s because white men treat sistas better, but what she doesn’t understand is that Karen has some issues. Karen is crazy. More specifically, she’s a hyper-empowered overly independent, afro-chick. We all know what I mean by that. Karen is the kind of person that will yell at a man for holding the door open for her cuz “I don’t need to be dominated as the weaker gender by the likes of you“ . What’s sad, is that’s an actual quote. Black men don’t wanna pick fights for no reason every 2-3 seconds, and I highly doubt any man does. So Karen’s biggest turn off is her paranoia of becoming submissive (or compromising). She overlooked her flaw because she just figured it had to be that black dudes don’t know how to treat a woman, and white dudes do (consciously or subconsciously).

Ladies, if you’re gonna date a white man, please…please date a man…who happens to be white. Don’t do it cuz you wanna get your groove back, or because you’re “done” w/ brothas. I love you all too much to see ya’ll sell yourselves short by not addressing your problems. As a comedian once said “If you’re 35 talkin bout ‘Men ain’t sh$#!’, then it’s you boo.” Fix yourself and stop being so jaded. Karen got dumped by the dude after he wrecked shop all up in that chocolate. I’m not saying that this is gonna happen, I’m just saying that’s what happened to Karen. Because Karen is crazy.

Discuss…

You Needa Make More Money Than Me

Call me ole’ fashion but. . . I’d rather that you’d make more money. Does that make me a bad person? Should I not say this out loud? This is ideally in the most ideal sense. You, the man, make more money so I, the woman, won’t have to feel obligated to work [so hard or more than four days out of the week]. But considering that in a few short years, I will be making a nice chunk of change, this really limits my options. And is this wrong? In the practical sense, hell-to-the-yeah. Read more

The Fate of Black Love - Part I

The Fate of Black Love? Maybe.

If TV is supposed to be a reflection of our times, then based on music videos and popular reality shows like “Flavor of Love”, we are really in trouble.

The state of the black community is a topic that has been plaguing its people for years. The origin of the black family starts with the black man and woman. Before there can be children to produce and raise in a conducive environment, there first must be a man and woman willing to take the road toward building a life together. Read more

On-line Dating and Diabetes

Disclaimer: I know what ya’ll are thinking. “Oh, those staff writers at Afrothought.com and their bogus theories/metaphors/alternate perspectives. Do they expect us to just digest this sh*t oh, so complacently?!! ” But bear with me here on this one. And no, we don’t expect instant digestion. We actively encourage intensive mastication. And if it still doesn’t sit well. Feel free to purge. But bear with me on this one, you’ll see where it’s going…

I knew by pressing “submit payment”, after filling out the extensive “User Profile/Compatibility Survey”, I would officially become unattractive. Knowing this, I still pressed “submit”, and when the popup window asked me “Are you sure?”, I pressed “continue”. Read more

The Myth of the 50/50

Yes. It’s a myth. I’m sorry if I just ruined your day. But before I proceed with this installment of Genius Theory, as always, I have to give the backstory. Long story short, I got into a discussion with a female cohort of mine who was upset that her relationship always seemed weighted. Read more

He’ll Regret it…

. . . but then again maybe he won’t. That is something that I keep to myself, every time, so countless it is disturbing, I am out with my girlfriends over dinner or on the phone with one of them, and a story is being retold about the end of the affair. Read more

The Interview Process

Let me first say that I’m getting really tired of the fact that every time I talk to one of my very good girlfriends, the conversation seems to always stray off into why no one wants them, or how they’re lonely, or how these guys are ___________.

No one’s provided me w/ any information as to why this is, and although there are theories, nothing concrete. As a result, I have to just assume that when you’re a female and 22-25 yrs old, your own personal worth is determined by the success (or lack) of your significant other, and if you’re one of those hags unlucky enough to NOT have a man, then you might as well just sew it up now and join a convent. Read more

Next Page »